Brought up in a typical n stereotype Knanaya Jacobite traditon I was taken to
church every Sunday,mostly forcefully, as me and sisters tend to find reasons to skip a Sunday mass; sent to Sunday school when the bishop made it strict for all children to have Sunday school 10th grade passed to make them eligible to get married.
I was in class 7 when this rule came, and my dad put me in class 1 in Sunday
school, sitting with kids who were 5-6 yrs younger to me, while my cousin whos is just one yr younger to me was put in class 3. 1st day of Sunday school I was taught as how to put cross, honestly I dint no we had to bind
3 fingers to put a cross.
Well next Sunday I was promoted by force to 3rd std in Sunday
school while I was still in class 7 in regular school. During my 11th n 12th grade I skip attending Sundayschool ( was in boarding school) and wrote just the exam bcoz of the hold my dad had in church.
In those days prayer was always there in all forms, family prayer at night,
Friday evening I have attended many prayer meetings, directly after school,
heard many preaching from different pastors n priests…
Never did I pray unless I was nearing to get results in every year or to receive a report card or when I have done something really unjustifiable for that age,
which I did multiple times, which was hyped much but feel so silly now.
Either ways I never had a personal relationship or a right guidance or not even a proper advice as how to be prayed or a promise given as prayers
do have tremendous power and it will be heard.
church every Sunday,mostly forcefully, as me and sisters tend to find reasons to skip a Sunday mass; sent to Sunday school when the bishop made it strict for all children to have Sunday school 10th grade passed to make them eligible to get married.
I was in class 7 when this rule came, and my dad put me in class 1 in Sunday
school, sitting with kids who were 5-6 yrs younger to me, while my cousin whos is just one yr younger to me was put in class 3. 1st day of Sunday school I was taught as how to put cross, honestly I dint no we had to bind
3 fingers to put a cross.
Well next Sunday I was promoted by force to 3rd std in Sunday
school while I was still in class 7 in regular school. During my 11th n 12th grade I skip attending Sundayschool ( was in boarding school) and wrote just the exam bcoz of the hold my dad had in church.
In those days prayer was always there in all forms, family prayer at night,
Friday evening I have attended many prayer meetings, directly after school,
heard many preaching from different pastors n priests…
Never did I pray unless I was nearing to get results in every year or to receive a report card or when I have done something really unjustifiable for that age,
which I did multiple times, which was hyped much but feel so silly now.
Either ways I never had a personal relationship or a right guidance or not even a proper advice as how to be prayed or a promise given as prayers
do have tremendous power and it will be heard.
Never will I blame my parents, you cant give your kids what you haven’t got
from your folks or have guided the way to be.
My mom had told it many times to me that she never got a guidance as how to pray or anything ways about it nor expressed love so she and dad couldn’t give or show what they have for us, though I rebelled a zillion times against that logic, I came to be in terms with it, bcoz even though
I express much in my family compared to rest of them, when it comes to showing to my folks it becomes a lot difficult, what weren’t done around would jerk you to do even if you feel so.. Like tomorrow if my dad call me and talk to me and if he say “I love you and take care” I ‘ll go bonkers as whats gone soo wrong with him!
Am so used to my inexpressible parents, keeping in mind the fact that I don’t think I can ever find parents as loving n caring as I have got.
Ok so… Prayer, was a casual routine of our lives and though I had gone through much shit and hurt myself, ached my folks many times in many ways, still I didn’t no there was this God
who is playing with my life and GOTTA plan for me, there were times in my life where I genuinely asked God “why?
Why me? why all these nonsense with me, why couldn’t you prevent me from doing certain things, why why why” never did I get an answer, nor I knew he answers, he talks, never I knew we have to wait & listen also.
My folks had taken us to different pastors and preachers n priests as they think as many other parents of our background does when something goes wrong, not knowing if god can talk to them, That God is able to talk to you too, not knowing we are supposed to pray in Faith and believe you will be answered.
Every time something went wrong and I was shattered and messed up, never knew one day this God we pray to make us understand the worth of us!
Every time for every thing we were taken or our folks went themselves
to a priest or a man of god to pray and get an answer,
lack of Faith in our Prayers, lack of Faith in Ourselves, lack of wisdom as to lay hands on your own kids and pray than running here and there for an answer.
Who else will pray as genuine as a parent praying for their kids?
As a kid praying for their own parents? None! NONE… But am sure the day is not long enough for witnessing my parents laying hands on my head and praying for anything and running to God, for HE WILL answer n not to anyone else.
Being invited to a Bible based church was the bestest thing that happened in my life, EVER! I learned much, learned to be humble, learned to pray, learned to pray in faith, learned to pray for where I lack, where I have to work on, what I have to get rid of, how to wait on prayers, how to say right things to people in need, how to guide in spiritual walk, everyday it’s a learning now, 1st time in 23yrs I had the urge to go to church, the guilt of missing on Sunday In worship, 2yrs gone by and I have changed much for good!
Still working & praying on a lot of inward working, honestly I took the laptop to watcha movie but see where I end up
Am in a midst of a great issue, full of tensions, if not for 2 yrs of God’s Grace n Mercy alone, a person like me with this state am in now should be almost lying down with a high BP and in tears n worried and what not I myself don’t know.But here am, writing my blog on the Omnipotent!!
If he can create the whole universe and you & me, if he can raise the dead, if he can plant the mountain from one place to other, if he can make the blind see,
Whats it that he cant do?
If he has promised us not to forsake nor forget us,
if he has promised us to fight for us,
if he has promised to be there in every walk of our life,
Whats is that you are worried for?
God bless me & you :)
HE’s the Omnipotent!
He sure is. :)
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
:-)
ReplyDelete